The Hidden Gift in Unanswered Prayers

Happy 2020, friends.

I love the transition into a new year. It’s a powerful time to reflect on what did (and did not) happen and set our compass for the road ahead. For many of us, there were probably goals and dreams that went unfulfilled last year or decade — dreams still waiting to materialize. I wrote about this on Instagram recently, this idea of unanswered prayers and how not getting what you wanted can sometimes be a blessing in disguise.

Unanswered prayers and desires can bring a lot of disappointment, confusion and pain. We like to see progress. We like to see dreams come into material form. The wait can feel like an eternity. It can feel like a test of patience, resolve and faith that a higher power is, indeed, looking out for us.

Waiting has become something of a teacher for me this year. It has helped me - or should I say forced me?! - to surrender to the unknown, learn to trust in the silence and use the in-betweens to soften, deepen, clear out the weeds and expand. If you know me, you know that waiting to have a family has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I confess there have been many nights spent wringing hands, wiping away tears and asking the question “why?” Yet, in reflection, I have come to see that, in the waiting, I am being given everything I need to fulfill those dreams.

I’ve come to see that NOT getting what you want is also part of the path. That all the things that didn’t happen this year, or decade, made room for all the things that DID. I can now experience gratitude for what came instead — generous swatches of time to grow as a woman, to become a more conscious and evolved human, to develop my voice as a writer and artist and put myself out in the world more publicly. It has allowed time to mature, ripen, meet special people, deepen the relationships I do have. I can say, in many respects, that I never saw most of this coming. Even more miraculously, this fertile desert has set me up to the be the person who can ultimately receive her destiny.

So, what about dreams that never do get filled? How do we make sense of this? Rather than seeing it as punishment or karma, perhaps it means we are meant to give birth to something else. Something more aligned with who you are and who you are meant to be in this world. Often times, if we open to it, we receive an equally beautiful alternative to the original plan.

I believe that if you look closely within the pain, discomfort, resentment and confusion of unanswered prayers, you can find a hidden gift. A coordinate, a message. For me, waiting has revealed the deepest place within me to heal — the key to it all — Trust. Letting go of certainty, learning to trust the unseen. It has strengthened my faith in God, the power of the Universe, trust in my own capacity to love and to be with things that are uneasy.

Turns out that in waiting for what I want, I got exactly what I need.