Winter Solstice and the Gorgeous Moment of Collapse

The winter solstice has become such a sacred night of the year for me. The fires we build on this night, and the days leading up to it, are filled with potent rituals of release and renewal. The solstice is not only a recognition of the darkest day on the calendar. I see it also as an invitation to touch the depth of one’s own winter. To shine a light into the dark corners we often don’t want to see. 

For me, the real beauty of the solstice fire is in its collapse. That moment when the engulfed wood, the glowing timber, gets so hot it has no choice but to break and settle onto itself. When it lets go of the perfect positioning and becomes the fire itself, not the thing that starts it.

At some point in adult life, I think many of us reach this place of gorgeous collapse. It is when the pain of holding onto old patterns — the people pleasing, the need for external validation, low self worth, the need to fix others or to always be right — become so restricting that the only thing to do is let it all go. The collapse is the moment we stop running from ourselves. It’s when we can be fully, wholly, present in all our shadowy, messy darkness. When we can sit in the caverns of jealousy, resentment, insecurity, fear, worthlessness, and despair, and ask: can I love these parts, too?

In the collapse we find that we become more honest, more oneself, more aligned with the truth of who we are. Less afraid to ask for what we need, more willing to risk being seen. Relationships improve because you speak from a place of truth. Your body quells its sirens because you’ve given her room to speak. As a result, you discover true intimacy - a breathtaking sense of closeness to self and God and those around you.

I love the winter solstice fire as a chance to honor what a fire does best - destroy AND give life. What can I burn and what can I bring forth? It’s a chance to collapse the structures of ego. To dismantle the masks and facades we assume early in life in order to feel safe and loved. To walk the coals, to face the dark matter, the marauding ego and its limiting stories. To sit with discomfort until in it dissolves into a more authentic version of you.

Standing in front of the fire on this night, I feel the heat shining on my face like never before, amazed by how renewed I am by its light.

Happy solstice to you.